Who you lovin’ …who you wanna be huggin’

Posted: July 20, 2010 in Everyday struggles, Life Lessons, Men vs. Women

One of the subjects that always gets the juices flowing is the black relationship. I generally can’t go a day without getting in some sort of discussion or debate with friends or colleagues about why aren’t there any good black men in the world or why do black women want so much.

It’s a topic that can’t be avoided in the black community and a conversation that seems to have no end in sight.

So today, one of my Twitter boos and blogger extraordinaire @OneChele pinned this piece detailing a young woman who had walked in on her boo creepin’ on the come up. This couple, as described in Chele’s piece, appears to be in their late teens, early 20s and have been together for some time. So while they are young, one would think they have a solid foundation. At least as solid as one can have for being that age.

This gentleman, apparently an amateur in the playa department, made two very crucial mistakes. For starters, he chose to handle his side piece in a place where his main boo could walk in on them. That’s pretty damn self-explanatory. Secondly, I’m assuming in a tongue-twisted state and in shock that he’d been caught suggested that it was “just sex.”


Most of us who have loved and been loved, whether we’ll admit it publically, have either been cheated on or have done the cheating. Since I don’t hold back, I’ll put out full disclosure that I’ve both the victim and culprit. There really is no justifying it, it’s wrong no matter what the excuse is. But the reality is, it happens.

Now, in defense of this gentleman, it probably was “just sex.” After all, he’s a sophomore in college and I’m sure there had to have been a little bit of alcohol involved. The holier-than-thou people who read this will be quick to say “wrong is wrong” or “are you really defending this?” But who among us, men or women, never gave in to temptation when we were that age. I’ll wait…

Predictably, my friend uses a graph to slam men, saying that “they will run game if you let them.” I’m almost certain she shared this sentiment with her friend who sought her help. In case you forgot, women cheat to.

Should she forgive her man? I say yes. Only if she fully believes that it’s a one-time deal. And no, I don’t believe in the thinking that once a cheater always a cheater. Unlike women, men tend not to get emotionally tied to a woman just because he has sex with her. So I can get with his “excuse” that it was jut sex.

But at the end of the day,whether he gets his boo back or not,  maybe this will serve as a wake up call that a moment of lust is not worth destroying a foundation built on love.

  1. OneChele says:

    Interesting response. I shall have to step my game up. I simply cannot stand to be predictable. And I wouldn’t say I slammed men, I just reminded folk that people will get away with that which they are allowed to. Both men and women. True?

    And I actually told her she had to decide if she trusted him/loved him enough to get past it. Time will tell.

  2. Just A Thought says:

    Umm, no. If you read the post correctly, homeboy didn’t just say that it was just sex. He said it was just sex, and then tried to spin it like the gf was in the wrong. Not an ounce of shame, contrition, or even an apology. That is enough to let the young lady know she was dealing with a dog and needs to find someone else.

  3. Lena says:

    I don’t know about this one. It’s almost as though because they’re young, you think it was okay for him to indulge. I think saying “we’ve all fallen to temptation” is a cop out.

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