9/11 remebered…

I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was Tuesday. Not hot, but not yet fall. In other words, a typical September day at Hampton U. I was a sophomore so I had not yet figured out that it wasn’t cool to have class at 8 in the morning. Following my biology class I walked out Turner Hall and ran into one of my boys. “You heard what happened?” he asked. “Naw, what’s up?” I replied. “They blew up the World Trade Center,” he said. I didn’t think much of it. I figured it was just another minor incident.. Nothing major. “I’ll holla at you later,” I told him. I made my way back to my dorm and found my roomate glued to CNN. Then I realized that this was much more serious than I’d ever thought.

I’ll never forget the look on my roomates face. He was from Newark, right across the river from Manhattan. This was home to him. This was a skyline he saw every time he opened his door. “What the hell is going on?”I thought to myself. A lot of my associates/classmates/friends were from the tri-state area. They couldn’t get in contact with family. They were nervous. They were scared. Some were crying. I sat and I watched. I don’t think I went to class the rest of the day. I watched people jump 100-plus stories to their deaths. I saw the World Trade Center, an American landmark, something that defined the NYC collapse right before my eyes. Again I asked “What the hell is going on?” Meanwhile, closer to home, I fiind out that a plane has crashed in the Pentagon and one was on the way to the White House. My dad called me to see if I knew what was going on. I had lots of family in Arlington, Alexandria and the surrounding areas. I know people who work in the Pentagon and with the government in D.C. “Are they ok?” I wondered.

In a matter of about 50 minutes, our lives changed forever. I would later find out that a cousin of mine was coming up the elevator of the Pentagon City METRO station around the same time the plane struck the Pentagon. I have a cousin that works for the Deparment of Defense who frantically was evacuated of the building due to the fact that there was a plane supposedly heading for the area.

It’s been seven years, yet the memory of the day still lingers. My generation doesn’t remember the Civil Righs Movement, we weren’t around for Vietnam or the Great Depression. For us, September 11, 2001 was a day that will with us for ever. Wherever we are, not matter how old we are, whenever the calendar shows September 11, we’ll always remember that day.

Sit yo a** down

I saw this live and after I figured out the young lady in the middle of the rucus was Gloria James, LeBron’s mom, I died laughing. And I wasn’t even going to bring this up until Jemele weighed in today.

I agree with her on this point– you should never, under any circumstances, cuss and your mom, or either parent for that matter. As upset as I’ve been at both of my parents, I can’t even fathom what would happen if I drop a cuss word on them.

But in this situation and under the circumstances, I can understand. I can also understand it if he and his mom have that kind of relationship — which some people do — where bad language is the norm. But in a crucial game four, in a must-win situation and with large men in the way, I can see how Bron Bron would be upset and let that slip. I can see it, but it doesn’t make it right. James apologized after the game and on ESPN the following day.

Jemele suggests we can’t look at LeBron the same way after this. I disagree. Anyone who’s played sports has dealt with over zealous parents and, while we may not have cussed at them, we’ve wanted to put them in their place. Many my feel as though LeBron was out of line, particularly since this was seen by millions. But, in this case I think we can give him a pass because when you’re paid millions and in the heat of battle,you have to be on your game at all times. And, if someone gets in your way they’re fair game, even if it’s your mom.

Just make sure apologize real quick.

Understanding

“I hope my true muthafuckas know, this be the realist shit I ever wrote” – Tupac

Those who read this blog on the regular know and understand how I feel about the SO. I dedicated several posts to her sharing with the outside world, how special she is to me and how much I care.

So to be fair and not to front like everything is always rosey and peaches and cream, I had to share went things weren’t so good. So in my previous post, I did that.

To rehash, I fucked up a week or so ago. I made a mistake and upset the SO. It was, in the year or so we’ve known each other. The first “argument” we’ve ever had. It was my fault and I took and continue to take responsibility.

Now, because we have never had been in that situation, we really didn’t know how the other person would react. Sure, we’ve had discussions of “past” situations and that gave each of us an idea of what to expect. But, until it happened we really didn’t grasp it.

Naturally, for me, I wanted to quickly correct the problem. I shared with a few of my friends that in the days since, I’ve rewritten the book on apologies. And I have. That, and vowing to look at things I can change about myself that I know are not where they should be. Not that I haven’t been doing so all along, but sometimes, things happen that open your eyes and put things in perspective.

For me, while not trying to dismiss or ignore what happened, it was squashed.

But I’m a guy and we’re stupid.

She was hurting and rightfully so. While she tried not to be upset, the waterpark was open for business. Despite my attempts to make her smile and show her I was genuinely sorry, the pain was still there and it showed. The guy in me tried to figure out whether what I did was that bad. She validated it by putting it in the top five worst things of all time. For me, I thought that was bullshit. But I respected what she was saying.

In what I thought was a knee-jerk reaction, she suggested that maybe we needed to take some time apart so I could “grow” In this time, I could figure out “who I was individually” and do some self examination. Admittedly, it caught me off guard, but she was very adimant about it. She got reinforcement from her best friend that, in this situation, she would do the same thing as well.

Hearing that put me in a “What the fuck” state of mind. In no way, ladies, was I trying to ignore the fact that I messed up, because I did. But to me, I was given a 50 to life sentence for a parking violation. Was that fair? In my mind, no. For me, I was like look at my record, your honor. Never since we met, had I given her any reason to question my motives, but nonetheless, I needed time to “grow”

“Go to your room and think about it, and get at me later”

Perhaps the fact that I’m younger and still maturing doesn’t allow me to see the “big” picture. But is there really a big picture to see? What happened to working through your problems together? No, you need a couple of months to grow up young man.

So, because I saw the passion in what she was saying and suggesting, I abliged. In my mind, I was just going to get the fuck out of the way. I wasn’t going to call, be around, come visit or anything. Was I going to stop caring, no. Did this mean that my love and affection would cease. No. Because this was not something, I understood, nor wanted to do.

So, for all of 2 days, I tried, but because I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be doing or where we stood, I had to call and seek clarification. So I did, going against everything I’d set out to accomplish during my “timeout” I had to know for myself.

And while she tried her bestest to explain things to me, I was still confused and because of that frustrated me more. To make a long story short (ha!) we decided maybe this wasn’t the best thing for us.

I’m straddling the fence on this. In her eyes, I saw passion and sterness when she shared that this is what she thought was the best decision. And part of me thinks we gave up.

But aside from the fact that I disagree and don’t see how this will benefit me, I was fearful about how this would affect our relationship. While it’s easy to say “oh, in a couple of months, everything we’ll be fine and we can revisit it” Quite frankly, to me that’s bullshit. In my mind, does this mean, in the future every time we have a beef, she’ll want to “disconnect” for a while. How healthy is that.

So to those who read this, please let me know if I’m totally off base here. I’m not perfect and never have claimed to be. All I want is undertanding. Because right now, although we’re trying, I’m completely lost.

Change is good

Greetings! I know, I know. It’s been like a month since I’ve relaxed in the Beach Chair, but I’ve had a lot going on.

But…better late than never.

Nobody and I mean nobody, should ever think so highly of themselves that they’re immune to change. Because at some point in time, there are things about his or herself that needs altering.

I’ve reached that point.

Guys are dumb. Present company included. And, when it comes to relationships, we are even dumber.

This past weekend, I messed up with the SO. And while the first step is admitted you’re wrong, it could have been avoided.

I’ll save you the details, but understand, it was kind of bad. In the bad 48 hours, I’ve rewritten tbe book on apologies.

While my intentions were good, my methods were horrible. But, in hindsight, the experience although negative may have been a positive in the long run.

It was an eye-opener for me and made me realize that, if I want to keep this good woman I have, there are things I need to straighten up.

Not to say that I need to change who “I” am, but in reference to the relationship and its future success, there are things that need tweaking. And I intend on doing so.

For both parties, it’s a work in progress. She, while adamant of not wanting me to change, had to understand that I’m attempted to this not for me, but for us, and our best interests is in my efforts.

There are things about me that I am not proud of. Some related to the relationship and some not. But to avoid them and hope they will pass over is the wrong approach. Not that I shouldn’t with all of them, but certain ones I’ve prayed hard about. Others are just a matter of using better judgement and making better decisions.

I want to be the best I can be, but to be the best, there needs to be some work done under the hood. Change is not necessarily a bad thing.

Do you like me? — Check "yes" Check "no"

So Thursday is Valentine’s Day. A day in which guys across the nation scramble to do something nice for that special young lady in their life. If you need proof, go to the mall or your local CVS or Walgreens on Wednesday evening and notice all the frantic looks on the guys faces as they struggle to get that last minute card for their boo.

To my surprise, many woman are against Valentine’s Day Some say that this type of behavior should be shown everyday and not just when the calendar reads “February 14″ Others have a man who “acts right” and doesn’t want him to go out of his way to spend extra money because she’s already happy. Others are just bitter because they are single and they see their co-workers, friends and family going out and they are left at home watching HGTV.

Not that there’s anything wrong with not going out, but Valentine’s Day is one of those days were you’re kind of straddling the fence. It’s one of those “this is what you’re supposed to do” type of holidays. Meaning that for years, people have done things and for some reason, those traditions have just been passed down over generations. Roses, teddy bears, candy. But if my boo, jump-off, wife or significant other doesn’t like/want any of those things, what’s a guy to do.

Creativity is a must and it scores big with the ladies. So on Thursday if you don’t want to be sleeping on couch Friday, do something nice for your special someone, even if it’s a simple “do you like me” check yes, check no note.

Could it be?

I’ve stayed away from the political talk on here for several reasons. The main one being that the campaigning has been going on for over a year and I wanted to wait until we still didn’t have 100 candidates in the running.

So, with loverboy John Edwards set to drop out of the democratic race, it appears it will come down to Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama for the democratic nomination.

With Super Tuesday looming, Obama is coming off a convincing win in South Carolina and is carrying a ton of momentum in what can be a make or break day for a candidate. With prominent democrat Ted Kennedy in his corner, Obama is gaining steam and has a lot of people in his corner.

Could it be?

Aside from “Run Jesse Run!” back in the late 80s, never has there been a black candidate who generated so much buzz. And, while Jackson had his moments, he never was really considered a serious contender like Obama is.

I’m not jumping on the bandwagon nor drinking the kool-aid of either candidate, but it says something that the two leading candidates for the democratic nomination is a woman and a black man. Either way, it will be historic.

But despite Obama’s charisma and appeal, are we really, really ready for a black, even if he’s lightskinned, president?

Only time will tell.

Yeah…she could get it

Disclaimer: I did this post as a guest blog for some friends of mine. But, because I’m a man of the people, I decided to post it here as well. Enjoy.

The lovely ladies of the Atlanta Soulcialites have been so kind to ask me my input on the top actresses over 40 who could “get it”. I thank them for the opportunity and also for opening a huge can of worms. I will put down my humble card for a few minutes, because there is no better authority of “get it-ness” than I.

I am of the opinion that a women, particularly those of color, get super fine until they are 35, so by 40, they are just right, to say the least. And while there are probably “regular” women in the neighborhood, the gym and in the beauty parlor over 40 who are just as, if not more fine, for this discussion, we’ll stick with actresses.

Again, these are my opinions, feel free to rip me apart.

It starts and ends with Halle Berry. When Andre 3000 came up with the Prototype, he was talking about here. Ever since she was the “other chick” in Boomerang a while back to her 10 seconds in Swordfish where she showed the world her goodies, Berry has always been considered one of the most beautiful women in the world. She could get it, whenever, wherever and however. Although, from her track record, I may be a little to dark for her.

Halle Berry: 5 magnums

A close second is Angela Bassett. Other than some random drunk chick at the club, nothing says getable other than class and elegance, all of which Bassett has. Even though Taye Diggs helped get her groove back, Bassett still has some left in the tank and could definitely get it…on silk sheets with the Waiting to Exhale Soundtrack playing in the background of course.

Angela Bassett: 4.5 magnums

Class and respect is fine, so by no means am I dismissing that or dismissing the get it-ness of Angela Basset, but sometimes you need a hood, ride or die chick. Enter Vivica Fox. The Soul Foodin’, Kill Billin’ Set if Off up in here actress turned socialite could get in the backseat of the caprice, with GUnit blaring out the subwoofers.

Vivica Fox: 4.2/3 magnums

I honestly tried to diversify this list with some “wild cards” so to speak, so consider this one actress one you wouldn’t think of off the top of your head.

Salli Richardson.

If you remember A Low Down Dirty Shame, you know what I’m talking about and we could just end the discussion there. But, Richardson is just plain fine and she just turned 40, so she’s still ripe (sorry ladies).

Salli Richardson: 5 magnums

A get it list wouldn’t be complete without a little creole-looking, redboneness. So that’s were Rick Fox’s leftovers Vanessa Williams comes in. I really don’t have much to say, but I think if those seductive eyes were look at me, I’d fold up like a lawn chair.

Vanessa Williams: 3 magnums

2008

Greetings and Happy Belated New Year!

It’s been a while since I’ve posted, as a matter of fact, I haven’t blogged since last year! (smile).

With that said, as I prepare to begin the second year of the Beach Chair and another year in my life, it’s only fitting to pay homage to 2007 before I can look ahead to my expectations for 2008.

For starters, 2007 was undoubtedly one of the most memorable years of my life. I can’t tell you how much I grew as a person. You see, 2007 was the 25th year for me. I heard her and many others share with me that your outlook on things change drastically when you turn 25. I listened, but I didn’t hear. I can literally go through each month and tell you many memorable stories that made 2007 special. There isn’t enough space on this blog to do this. But let me just share some of why 2007 was special to me.

Maturity — 2006 was a rough year for me. It was a transitional year for me as well. I started a new job, I ended a previous relationship and I was just all over the place mentally and emotionally. I really didn’t know what direction I was heading in life. But, in 2007, I became more stable. In my job, in my love life, monetarily and such. In doing so, I grew up. Moving to the Northeast forces you to do so and do so quickly. Me in 2006 was the complete opposite as me in 2007…and it was for the better.

Perseverance — Despite all the good things in ‘07, it wasn’t peaches n cream the whole year. There were bumps in the road. Sickness hit my family as my mom had two major surgeries over the course of two months. It was the first time I’d ever seen my mom sick and to go through that, along with the trips from Connecticut to Virginia could have taken a toll on me — if I’d let it. But I persevered. My grandmother suffered a mild heart attack and my dad’s not doing the best. But I persevered. And being able to do that without losing it showed growth and made 2007 great.

These are just two things that stood out to me. There are soo many more to mention, but all in all 2007 was great and one I’ll remember forever.

Now, as I prepare for 2008, I prepare to face with with excitement and anticipation of what’s to come, knowing that for every good thing that happens, there are going to be some bad times.

Whatever happens, I know it’s going to be a great year!

She-Her VI

Never has a woman walked so gracefully across the earth’s surface. Never has a woman’s smile illuminated even the darkest corner as hers does. Never has a woman’s eyes been as beautiful to look into as an early morning sunrise on the beach.

For young men, if we’re lucky, once in a lifetime, a woman like that will cross our path. And, if we’re even luckier, she’ll give us the time of day.

Fortunately for me, my time came. And with persistence, lots of persistence, I dint’ let this one get away.

There have been times recently when just the two of us have gone out, or we have accompanied each other to a social event, and I have finished getting dressed far quicker than she. I mean, I’m a guy – we don’t take long.

But in between that time when I’m sitting and waiting for her to purse perfection through lip gloss, mascara and countless other MAC products, I get a glimpse, if only for a short while, of what true physical beauty looks like.

Yes, when the finished product comes tipping out of the bathroom, it is flawless. Always classy. Never too much. Never over done.

It is at this point when I become an accessory. Because as sharp as I may think I am, her style and beauty laps whatever I have going on.

Perhaps it was the youthfulness of my mind. Perhaps it was me being naïve. Or, perhaps it was just a lack of experience. But, I thought I had seen fineness. I thought some of the young ladies I had “encountered” over the years were “all that”

Not even close. We things are revealed, and I mean truly revealed, it’s like a light bulb comes on and you’re like damn, where has this been all my life.

It’s sort of like when you grow up sheltered or in a small community and you branch out and go to the big city for the first time and your eyes are opened. For a man, when you get that taste of what good lovin’ is and what a beautiful woman looks like, you never want to look back.

So I don’t and won’t. I’ve been fortunate and for whatever reason, the man upstairs allowed her to cross my path. And every time she struts ‘cross my path, I look in admiration from head to toe — with a brief pause in the middle — and smile.

RIP Sean Taylor

I thought long and hard about this post. It seemed, ever since last week, that everyone had an opinion. I didn’t want to be just another voice spewing a bunch of nonsense based on emotion. Also, I guess I really didn’t know to say.

When I first heard the news that Sean Taylor had been shot in Miami, my first reaction was “Wow”. As a Redskins fan, I had just seen my team lose their third in a row and with Taylor already out due to a knee injury, I thought — can it get an worse.

Initially, when I heard he’d been shot in the leg or groin, I assumed he’d be alright. At worse, I envisioned a long term rehab and he’d be 100-percent by next season. A co-worker of mine, who happens to be a Giants fan, came over to give me some grief about Taylor. We often joke to each other about the Skins and the Giants and this was no different — at the time. Like most naive Redskins’ fans, I tend to see the world through Burgundy and gold lenses and again, assumed, he’d be back in time for the playoffs. Mind you the ‘Skins had just lost 3 in a row.

But Tuesday morning, I received a text from my cousin while I was still asleep. It simply said “Another young black man gone too soon. RIP ST21″ With sleep still in my eyes, I knew what he was talking about. Sean Taylor was gone — 24-years-old.

A whirlwind of emotions went through, and continued to go through my head. The hell with football, although being a fan made it hurt more. But here was an athletic, fit and young man gone. And for what? At the time nobody knew. Sure, Taylor had his previous run-ins with the law, but did this have anything to do with the robbery and murder. I didn’t know, but many rushed to that conclusion. A man, no matter how much he grows and changes, will always have to deal with his past. It’s a sad, but true fact. People will always dig up dirt and try to link the then and now when something goes wrong.

When the details emerged, it hurt even more. Although I was happy they caught the killer, the senseless manner in which it happened, not only resulted in the death of Taylor, but in all, five lives were ruined.

And for what?

From a football point of view, Taylor was one of the best defensive players in the league. One of the hardest hitters, Taylor struck fear in opponents and dared a receiver to run a route over the middle. But in one unfortunate instance, my team’s season was shattered, left with an emptiness that will haunt them for the rest of their lives. Fortunately for me, I was able to see him play this season. Who knew that would be my first and last time.

We know not what God has in store for us. At the point where Taylor was turning his life around, he was gone. A beautiful girlfriend and 18-month-old daughter left behind. One of the most talented football players and by all accounts a genuine good guy was taking away from us all too soon.

And for what?