All work and no play

[Disclaimer: This post was originally started on Oct. 22]

The other day at a company-wide meeting, a young black women, who happens to be a Senior VP, stood up and made a presentation on behalf of her department.

She was poised, articulate and very nice looking.

She was the type of woman that, as a man, if you didn’t have your stuff together, you might be hesitant to even approach her if you saw in in a social setting.

The fact is, there are many successful women, of all races, that fall under this category. Young, successful, attractive and very much not in need of a man.

Or are they.

I asked someone who was at that meeting: “I wonder if she has a problem finding a man.”

What I meant was, I was jut curious what her dating life was like. Like I said earlier, she was successful well-spoken and her job requires her to be on the go all the time. And black men, no matter how much we deny it, are sometimes intimidated by our sisters, particularly those who are well established and may have more power in the workplace and make more money that we.

In this day and age, often times we put our careers in the forefront and there’s certainly nothing wrong with that. Hard work is important and is required to reach any goals we set for ourselves in life. But at what cost do we set our priorities?

Is there a difference between professional accomplishment and personal happiness? Or does one dictate each other?

This young lady and others, by all accounts, seems content — from the outside looking in at least. I see women (and men) all the time display that swagger and confidence in the workplace and in meetings that suggests that they are the ish and they have their stuff together. As long as the have that pants suit on, that blackberry and are amongst their peers, they seem fulfilled. But what happens when you finally log off for the evening? Is there an emptiness because all of your eggs are in one basket? Did you leave yourself any room for happiness away from the job or school?

The world today with internet, cell phones, e-mail, etc. has sadly created an environment where this is the norm. IF we’re not careful there’s no time to live, love and laugh. And we sometimes don’t allow ourselves to be loved and to enjoy ourselves outside of our “professional” life.

To some, that’s ok with them. They focus is on their work and career goals. And that’s ok. But all work and no play sometimes leaves you struggling to figure out your priorities. When that happens, we often run to what’s comfortable, rather than what’s good for us.

A More Mature Me

[Disclaimer: This post was originally started on Nov. 8]

One of the toughest challenges for any guy is trying to understand and connect with the female species. Even in our best efforts to please and make women happy, there will forever be a disconnect simply because we are wired.

That’s life and the sooner we as men realize this and understand that, the better our friendships and relationships with the opposite sex will thrive.

However, in many cases, whether having grown up with sisters or having numerous close female friends some of us already are aware that there are contrasting differences that, no matter how much we read and how hard we try, we just will never think the same, react the same or take the same approach to any select subject.

Because of this, many of us men use that excuse in relationships to cover up for the real problem — our lack of maturity.  That fact is often times much more damaging than the problems that our emotional and psychological differences can create.

At 26, I certainly fall victim to this. While I have definitely “grown up” and am much better than years past, I recognize that there is work to be done. They way I handle situations, they way I react and the way I live in general.  And perhaps most important, it’s affected my relationship.

The Moose is a tad older than I. It’s something that has been in the open since the day we met. Fortunately, it was something that was never held against me — to my knowledge at least. But over the course of our friendship and relationships, there have been times were my maturity, or better yet lack thereof, has caused speed bumps.

The problem is, many times I don’t even recognize it …and she does. To me, my thoughts are my thoughts and I believe strongly in them. Perhaps because of my lack of maturity I don’t see the “big picture” which can be frustrating to her and any other woman.  So no matter how stubborn I may be, I have to realize that there’s room for improvement — room to get better.

It’s a hard pill to swallow sometimes to know that there’s room for improvement. It’s even harder to accept that your immaturity is frustrating someone you care about, whether it’s your friends, family or the woman you love.

But I accept it. Aside from relationships, maturing should be an everyday goal in life. And, it’s one of my daily goals — to become a better, more mature man. I do this to better myself, and in return, people, including her, will hopefully see the results.