Ladies, does your man look like this?

I had a very interesting IM conversation today at work with one of my girls from college. She asked me, as a man, what do I find sexy about women. Random question, but one I found very easy to answer. I listed, in no particular order — confidence, style, sense of humor and well kept (hair, nails, etc.) Apparently, she had spent her entire day not working, but conducting some sort of informal poll among her guys friends in order to give her and some of her lady friends something to discuss at happy hour.

But it seems I had continued the trend of not mentioning any “physical traits” as something I found sexy, which she found interesting. I told her that it’s not that those things don’t matter, it’s just that even the finest women who has all the “assets” can be a turn off/not sexy if she has a bad attitude, doesn’t “keep herself up” and talks likes she hasn’t read a book in years.

Here’s where it got interesting. I said that men aren’t as picky as women. Not saying that we don’t know want we want, we just aren’t as specific as the ladies. In my experiences growing up, going through college and into my “grown man” phase, women, particularly those of the darker hue, tend to have measurements, requirements and checklists.

“I want a tall man — 6-2, 220-pounds”

“Tall dark and handsome”

“I don’t want a fat brother, he needs to be in shape.”

I could go on and on. The fact that men and women have standards is fine. We both know and understand what we want, what turns us on and what makes us happy. But, in reality, who we end up with may not or look like what we imagined. I represent for the under 6-foot brothers and I’ve actually had this very conversation with the SO. I’m certainly not as tall as she may like or may look like she may have pictured, but I like to think she’s happy which is what should matter.

But everyone doesn’t realize this. Women (and men) spend their lives lonely simply because they can’t find their Boris Kodjoe, Denzel, Sanaa or Halle. And, along the way, they pass up on the “average guy or girl” which may be the best thing, although it may not seem that way on the outside.

Again, there’s nothing wrong with having standards, just be cautious and know that everything that glitters ain’t gold.

Subtle Thoughts

No, not the Go-Go band.

When people find out I blog, one of the first questions I get is “Why?” or “What’s the point?” In many cases, these questions come from those who just aren’t familiar with what blogging is. To make it plain, I simply say it’s basically an online journal or thoughts, experiences, rants, etc.

And that’s it. Often times it’s much easier for many of us to express our feelings on paper, on in this case, online as opposed to speaking on them. When we are in the heat of the battle, our emotions can take over and we don’t think rationally. But, after while, we calm down and can adequately express our thoughts in a more eloquent manner and it’s very therapeutic.

There are times when that line gets cloudy. Since I’ve been blogging, every once in a while people ask am I’m sending subliminal messages through my posts and are there some alterior motives to me blogging.

In short, yes and no.

I blog for all the above reasons. But sometimes I need to vent and this is the forum in which I choose to do so. In doing that, just like verbally venting, the choice of words and tone can be inappropriate. And many times you don’t realize, or care how your subtle thoughts impact whoever is reading your blog, particularly when you post something “aimed at” someone.

You don’t realize or care — until you get a dose of your own medicine.

The beauty of blogging is that nothing should be off limits. It’s your blog and you are free to “talk” about what you want. There are times that your intentions get in the way of good writing. And when that happens, it can come back to bite you in the ass.

Take it from me, it’s no easy pill to swallow.

 

Love Handles

Today after church, the Moose and I went to grab some lunch and talk about the sermon and what we have coming up this week. It was perhaps one of the most beautiful days thus far in the Northeast and the restaurant wasn’t crowded, which allowed us to enjoy a peaceful setting while we enjoyed our food and each other’s company.

One of the many things I love about the misses is how she engages me in conversation. To give a brief history lesson, I haven’t always been the most open person, especially in relationships. In the past, I’ve tended to keep a lot of things and thoughts bottled up inside, which isn’t condusive to a relationship or in general. But, thanks to her, I’ve improved drastically in that area.

In the past couple of months, as we continue to learn each other and become more comfortable with each other, we have had several “intense debates” on various topics. I can’t speak for her, but I love them, because she challenges my points of view and in turn we learn about each other and our beliefs/points of views.

Today, the “subject” was how we as men and women keep our physical appearances up and how that, or the lack thereof, affects our marriages, relationships, etc.  In general, it’s often interesting to see how men and women maintain their physique/figure once they get “comfortable” in their relationship and if they don’t, what, if anything, does that mean for the couple.

Obviously, I was speaking from a man’s point of view and my position was that I found it strange that sometimes women “let themselves go” and fail to maintain their figures and stay in shape. I questioned, as a man, aside from the inner beauty that every man admire first and foremost how am I supposed to be physically attracted to my girl/wife when she isn’t doing her part to “preserve the sexy” To me, physical intimacy is very important to any relationship and if nothing I see is “turning me on” things will be doormat.

To save my ass from the beautiful women who may read this and get offended, I said this bodes for men as well. If when said women meets her sculpted, attractive SO, I’m sure she expects him to stay in some sort of shape and not be a couch potato with a beer belly. What’s sexy about that? I shared with the Moose that I can’t expect my woman not the “shop around” if I’m not giving her something good to look at when’s she’s home.

The Moose, not disagreeing with me, played devil’s advocate and questioned how much should we even put on physical attraction anyways. Speaking from a woman’s standpoint, she advised that men should be careful if they choose to bring the subject up to their girls because that can be very troubling for a woman to hear that, especially if she’s not aware you feel that way.

So with that said, how much weight should we put in physical appearance. Once we “caught” our mate, should we not care how we look and whether our mate thinks we’re sexy anymore. Or should none of that matter?

When Bill was gettin’ ass, we paid a lot less for gas

There’s a Sunoco gas station near my house where I get gas 90-percent of the time, unless I’m out of town or whatnot. Sometimes, I even go in and get a honeybun or Jungle Juice. Anyways, yesterday (Thursday) was pay day and I usually try and put some gas in my car when I have some money to throw away. So, I pull up and nearly collasped when I saw the price of gas — $3.69 for “87″ or regular.

WTF!

I know gas prices are high and I know I live in the Northeast were things — apartments, adult beverages, value meals — are ridiculously overpriced, but this was the highest I’ve ever paid for gas –ever. Mind you, I roll in a mediocre SUV, so my tank is a tad bigger than your average sedan. So $20 worth of gas, assuming I’m close to ‘E’ that would barely get past a a quarter of a tank of gas, which is maybe 2 trips to and from work and to the girls house and back.

It’s too bad Connecticut doesn’t have some sort of METRO, because not only does METRO open doors, it saves a little bit of money. I could walk, but I’d have to leave home at about 4-5 in the morning to make it by 9.

The gas inflation has been one of the biggest complaints of the Bush Administration. It seems, to me at least, that in the past eight years, gas has gone from tolerable to flat out depressing. Kat Williams said it best, you shouldn’t have make life decisions when you’re at the gas tank, but we do. It’s a “how far can I get on $10 mentality” which is sad.

Say what you want, but back in the Bill Clinton era, gas wasn’t out of control. $20 back then could nearly fill up a car, especially my little Chevy Cavalier. Maybe it was because Billy was focused on “other” things, but all I know is when Bill was getting some ass, we paid a lot less for gas.